The letter
by Ausllyforeverxx
Summary: 'I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I really should've told you all this sooner. I just couldn't word it, now seemed like the best time.' Now a two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm pretty excited since this is my first EVER one-shot! yay! yay! yay! yay! yay!**

**Time to get serious here...**

**WARNING: Rated T for suicide.**

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Dear Austin Monica Moon,

This is my letter to you, I'm sorry I didn't say all this sooner.

I remember when I first met you, and you stole my song 'double take', but you know that. What you don't know, is along with the song, you stole my heart. And things got worse after that.

I remember when we first hugged, it was so amazing. I felt so safe in your arms, I wish we could've stayed that way forever. I wanted to stay in your arms, you holding me.

I remember when you told me how much I meant to you. You made me feel so special that day.

I remember when you brought me on the Helen show, and I trashed the place. You told me not to worry about it, and we laughed for weeks, I love your laugh so much, it's amazing.

I remember when you danced with me at Trish's quinceaneras, instead of singing for that club owner. I went to sleep with a smile on my face, thinking of you.

The she came along...

I remember when you first met her, you said she was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen. I felt so ugly and worthless that day. I wish I could be as pretty as her. Then maybe you would like me like her.

I remember when you asked her out – again. She finally excepted. It took you 4 tires to get her to say yes. I would've said yes in a heartbeat. But you never liked me that way.

I remember when you told her you loved her after your concert, on stage, in front of everyone. I went home and cried all night, you went to her house and lost your virginity. She kept talking about it for weeks. I faked a smile and laughed, congratulating you.

I remember when she told you to stop singing and to get a 'normal' job. You haven't sung since. And I haven't written a sing since. If I can't write for you, then I wont write at all.

I remember when we turned 20, and you told me you proposed to her, she accepted. I knew it was the end there. We argued that day, some hurtful things were said. I yelled at you and called you so many things. I told you to 'get out of my life', I haven't seen you since. I miss you so much, Austin.

So now, 2 years later and I'm holding the invitation to your wedding, your's and her's wedding. I always knew this day would come, no matter how much I didn't want it to. I prayed for it not to come.

I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can go. I don't know if I can stand there while she finally gets you, at last. It hurts so much to know I'll never have you. I'll never have like she does.

Your wedding was today. I went, for you. You looked so handsome in your suit. The smile on your face made my heartbreak even more, I love to see you happy. But, it hurts to see you happy with someone else. We apologised to each other, forgave and forgot, but the connection between us was gone, it felt empty between us. I sat down and waited, you smiled at me a couple of times, and I faked a smile back while holding a supportive thumbs up.

Then she came in, wearing that perfect dress. She looked beautiful, and you looked the happiest I'd ever seen you. I wish I could make you that happy. But I can't.

I left the wedding early. I left while you were saying your vows. You stopped speaking when you saw me leaving. The look of disappointment on your face while you watched me leave, it killed me. I so sorry, I didn't mean to let you down. I wanted to be there for you, I really did. But it hurt too much. To watch you look at her with so much love in your eyes, it sent me over the edge. That was when things got too much.

I'm so sorry for this...

By the time you read this, I'll have left this world. I'll be gone.

I never really understood why someone would want to commit suicide, why they would want to take their own life. It seemed stupid. Now I do.

Pain and Heartbreak can make us do stupid things. I always thought suicide was a way out, the easy way out. Maybe it is. Maybe that's why it seemed so appealing. I knew the hurt and pain would stop after I took those pills.

Please don't hate me for this Austin. I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to watch you grow into the amazing man you are now. But I missed it all. I just hid away from the world and grew into this pathetic, lonely girl.

But, now you have her. I hope she gives you everything, because you deserve so much more than that. You deserve the world.

Tell Dallas I'm sorry I rejected him. He just wasn't you. And he deserved so much better than me. Not the mess that I am.

Tell Trish I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I pushed her away when all she was trying to do was help me. I'm so thankful for everything she did for me. And I'll miss her. I'll miss her daily update on her new job. I'll miss her anger issues and loudness. But most of all, I'll miss our wonderful friendship.

Tell Dez that I'm proud of him, for the fact that he finally told Trish how he felt. I'm proud of him and Trish. And I'm sorry I wont be able to attend their wedding. I wish them all the happiness in the world

Tell my dad that I love him. With all my heart. And now I'm finally with mom. I hope he understands. Please take care of him Austin.

Tell Sammy that I don't blame her. I know she loves you back. And tell her to take care of you, to love you like I did.

Okay, Austin if I could write forever, I would. I would do anything for you. Please, I have some favours to ask.

1. Sing at my funeral; I know you haven't sung in years, but it would mean so much so much to me.

2. Spend your life with Sammy and don't hold back on anything. Who knows maybe if I admitted my feelings to you sooner, It might have been me on that altar with you. Maybe.

3. Be happy, be the happy, crazy, childish Austin that I love and adore.

4. Start singing again, as a career. Don't let anyone stop you. I know you love Sammy, but you also love singing. And you shouldn't have to stop something you love. And I miss your wonderful voice. I know you miss singing, I can tell.

5. Believe me when I say...

I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I really should've told you all this sooner. I just couldn't word it, now seemed like the best time.

You are truly amazing. Just pure perfection. Don't you dare ever change Austin Moon! Your perfect the way you are.

So, I guess this is a goodbye. I'll see you again soon, I'll make sure of that. I really don't want to leave you like this. But I have to. I can't take the pain any more.

Live your life, I'll always be watching over you.

So, this is my letter to you, I'll miss you, I'll miss you so much. And I love you, forever and always.

Goodbye.

Love, Allyson Marie Dawson. X x

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**Jeez, I've never written anything that morbid in my life...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ello again my fanfic friends:) **

**Wahh I'm so tired, I've just got back from that evil place called the gym. (I'm trying to lose a stone or get a flat stomach, it's not fun)**

**Yes, this story was meant to be a one-shot, but since I'm nice I decided to give y'all what you wanted, but, in letter form...**

**This is Austin's letter back to Ally.**

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Dear Allyson Marie Dawson,

This is my letter back to you.

Well it's been a week since the wedding, and your, I guess I should call it death, even though it wasn't your time to go.

I have no idea why I'm writing this, I want to try to convince myself that you know what I need you to know.

I remember every single one of those memories like it was yesterday, because I would never forget any memory with you. They're too special. Like you. Look what you've done, you've made me mushy.

I really wish you would have told me all this before you decided to end your life. It would've made the biggest difference ever. Because the truth is, **I love you too**. I love you, I love you, I love you!

I love your cute laugh. I love the way your hair falls onto your shoulders, and the way you try to flick it out of your eyes. I love the way you blush so easily. I love the way you don't wear make up, yet you're so gorgeous. I love the way your different so anyone I've ever met. I love the way you don't follow the crowd and you don't care about what's 'in'. I love your dorkiness, and the way school meant to much to you. I love the way your eyes lit up when I compliment you or flirted with you (even though you never knew), that's why I did it so much. I love the way you lose yourself in a song or when you play piano. I love how talented you are. I love the fact you're you. I wouldn't change anything about you.

The only reason I got together with Sammy is to try to get over you, I learnt to love Sammy I didn't fall in love with her like I did with you, I taught myself to. I tried to let myself move on. No matter what, I couldn't. I always thought to myself _'she likes Dallas, she only thinks of you as a friend'_ if only I knew.

I can't believe you're gone. I can't believe you left me. Here. Alone.

On the day of the wedding, that smile that you said you hated, it was because you were there. Not for anyone else.

I did feel that connection between us, and I know that you did, deep down somewhere because I would never let it die. I kept smiling at you because I was trying to get you to smile back, I wanted to see that smile that I loved. The smile that I missed for 2 whole years. I never forgot about you. When Sammy asked if we could un invite you from the wedding, we argued for hours, she always knew about my feelings towards you, that's probably why she pushed our relationship in your face, and for that, I'm sorry.

I really wish I could have stopped you from this. We could have had it all. I would have given you everything. I would've married _you_ instead.

When I saw you leaving the wedding, I knew something was up, I'd never seen you so broken in all my life. And that almost killed me on the spot, then I saw the look in your eyes, and that killed me emotionally. Period.

I wanted to run after you. But I thought you were mad at me. I didn't want you to push me out of your life like last time. I was going to stop the wedding, and wait until you'd calmed down. But everyone argued with me and told me to go with it, so I did.

After the wedding, Sammy took me aside and told me some news, she's pregnant, she wanted to keep it a secret until after the wedding, we're having a baby girl. I thought that day was the best day of my life, and it nothing could spoil it. I felt like things were turning right.

Then I got home, and I found your letter. I smiled when I saw your neat handwriting. Then I opened it and the first words that popped out at me were 'I love you' I swear I felt my heart shatter there.

I then read it. I read it so many times, trying to get it to sink in. I stormed up to my room and locked myself in there like a child. I didn't want to believe it. You weren't exactly the type of person to come off as someone who had the guts to commit suicide. I didn't want it to be true. I chanted to myself that it was all a nightmare and I'd wake up, in the practise room with my head on your piano, while you smile and shake your head at me, saying how 'innocent' I was.

I locked myself in my room for 40 hours. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't talk. All I did was cry, and try to forget. I wanted to forget all about you, it hurt too much. God, it hurt more than you could ever imagine. I wanted to die, right there. I wanted to be up there with you, finally together at last. Then I thought of Sammy and the baby. I knew you'd lecture me on this saying how I shouldn't be so stupid and that I should stay with Sammy. I could never leave them alone, No matter how much I felt like I'd died inside.

When Trish found out, she cried for days on end. She stayed in denial for 2 of them, screaming at anyone who said you were dead. She then broke down to me and said how she wished she could have been there for you more than she was.

Dez didn't talk for 3 days. Not even to Trish. He just stayed silent through it all. And when he finally did talk, he asked to see the letter. He cried too. He blamed me for a couple days.

Your dad, he said he knows your mom is looking after you. We all know that too. He didn't cry. But he was on the edge of it, he kept it all inside. He spent most of his time in your old practise room.

Sammy, I think she took it hard. She cried hysterically, asking me if I blame her. She wishes you two could have gotten to know each other better. And she promises she'll take care of me. And she says she's so sorry for everything she's done.

Now you see how much you mean to us. To me. You've had a huge effect on us and now your gone, life feels more empty.

Your funeral is in 3 weeks. I'm going to sing at it, like you wanted. I'm going to sing 'without you' because I know how much you loved that song. I know how much it meant to you. And because it was **our** song.

I started to sing again. I've been offered a record label already! I have you to thank for that.

I do plan on spending my life with Sammy and don't worry, I know what holding you back can do.

God, I don't know what else to say. This still doesn't feel real. I really don't want it to be real. Why did you do it? You didn't need me. You're beautiful and could've found someone so much better, who treated you like you deserved.

I guess I have to wrap this up at some point.

I wont say goodbye. Because I know we'll see each other again. So, this is a see you later thing. I'll miss you so much Allyson Dawson! And I love you so fucking much! Don't you ever forget that.

(It's not a goodbye) See you soon Ally-cat.

Love, Austin Monica Moon. x x

P.s. We're naming our child Allyson Marie Moon. You'll never be forgotten.

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**Gawsh, I hate unhappy endings so much, why can't happily ever after exgist in real life! D:**


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